i want to die as i lived - Nic Salyer

a misguided harbinger of fate

a bastion of oft forgotten toys 

the only thing we leave behind are the impressions we make upon the fabric of time

we all leave our marks up and down the convenient store bathroom wall of history

scrawling our misery and hatred along its tile textured sheen 

writing love notes to the souls we drift toward the most

in hopes they’ll drift back toward us 

someday someone will come along and paint over those words

the symbols of our expressions will fade under dollar store paint and a few hours of cheap labor 

nothing is forever if you lack conviction

unrequited words are not enough to burn a hole in the sequin dress of reality 

i want to die as i lived 

not alone in my bedroom 

not out in the street

but surrounded by the people you meet

when the bars start closing 

and the lonely spill out into the night

the lovers without valentines

the wrecks on the side of the road, trying to escape the car crash they’ve made of their lives

but when the hands of fate begin to stir 

and the faces i’ve etched into the inner walls my skull begin to fade 

i’ll wait for only one 

when i can no longer see 

and no longer hear 

i’ll remember what it was like 

and when i can no longer remember

i will cling to the only thing i have left 

and when even that, too, is gone 

i will dream  

when til’ death do we part is not enough

i will wait 

hanging in the balance

waiting in the wings 

and though i may not see you

nor hear you 

i will know when you’ve arrived 

but i welcome the wait 

theres no rush 

i’ll be here for as long as it takes