Haunt - Eden Bunnie

i’ve been haunted all my life. 

by spirits and specters vying for moments of time. but they’ve begun to grow quiet. 

I locked myself in a prison of belief, and swallowed my only key. i’m afraid my fingers aren’t sharp enough to dig it back out. 

soft voices peer in through the holes in my wall. sometimes even crawl inside. they ask me why, but i don’t have an answer. they ask to touch me, i comply. they ask to return, i comply. sometimes they do. sometimes they stir a fire around my skin, scorching me into action as the quiet ghouls become howling banshees at the sight of a burgeoning life. 

sometimes i wonder if emptiness is enough to make the difference. 

relying on something you wish were true, but isn’t. knowing you have only so much to give, so your time is limited. choosing to love anyway, knowing that when you run out of time, the ride ends. the park closes. you punched all your tickets, and now you have nothing left. not to receive, and not to offer. you will remain devoid of value until your designated time of departure. suddenly, and quietly, your death heralds your final resurgence. the place of belonging you longed for has arrived. you had one last thing to give, after all. and as the last of your newly reinvigorated brood descend upon your coffin, picking the final flecks of flesh from your bones, what remains of you will lie there. motionless. allowing those that you loved to take what little you have left. a pamphlet with your name on it, a designated day off work. a reason to feel sorry for something, which somehow makes the moonless nights easier to face. i’ve been haunted all of my life. by the faces of those i’ve loved. and in those final moments, all i had left was the way i remembered them. not for who they might have been, but who they once were to me. selfishly adrift in thought, i could almost feel it. cloaked under a quiet autumn night, embraced in the arms of someone i loved, moving gently to the sound of our hearts beating. maybe it was all a lie. one i told myself to get by. a memory that only lives inside of me, soon to be washed away amongst the sea of time. an inevitability that always comes for those who cry for the loss of their own life. i tried. i always tried. perhaps trying wasn’t enough. maybe i didn’t know the first thing about trying anything. 

i’ve been haunted all of my life. 

but in my final moments, i swear. 

this life will finally become mine. 

cheered on by the otherworldly voices who watched me in the darkest of times, i’ll reclaim what was always rightfully mine. 

and at last, finally find my home. 

in a vast eternity of the unknown.