I wish - Mykala Gray

(paint chip poem)

 

I wish you knew that you are beautiful like jacarandas in the springtime, 

invading my heart, 

draining me.

 

I wish you knew that when you left, during that monsoon,

a rainbow followed, 

shining across the city, like you had put it there. 

 

I wish you knew that I kept that terra-cotta planter you gifted me,

the one you painted bluebirds and sunflowers on,

it sits in my window sill, I haven’t found the right plant to put in it yet. 

 

I wish you knew your soul glows like sunlight dappled against green silk,  

through trees and painted on sidewalks,

like a puzzle waiting to be put back together.

 

I wish you knew that I still think of you when I see fireflies,

at night time, rising from the grass,

you’re all I can think about.

 

I wish you knew that I wear the blue ribbon around my wrist now,

the one you’d always tie your hair back with,

the deep blue contrasting so beautifully against your blond curls.

 

I wish you knew that you were never the elephant in the room,

with your obsession of muted rattlesnakes and yellow chanterelles,

I always found your mind fascinating. 

 

I wish you knew that my favorite flowers are still your grandma’s hydrangeas,

the ones she grew in her flower box outside of the window, 

the ones you grasped in your hands when you told me you loved me. 

 

I wish you knew I went to a carnival the other day, 

I hit a bullseye in that game we used to play, under the red awning- the one we always said was rigged,

turns out it wasn’t, who knew?

 

I wish you knew I had gotten that fern tattoo that you designed,

the one that spans across my shin, as if growing from my boot, 

one day I’ll color it in a beautiful green, perhaps it will remind me of your eyes. 

 

 I wish you knew my favorite snack is still goldfish,

I remember the way we’d sit outside, digging into the bag and pulling out handfuls,

talking with cheesy stuffed mouths, manners be damned. 

 

I wish you knew I always did admire the way you could eat the whole enchilada in two bites,

even though I’d turn up my nose and tease you about using too much hot sauce,

it was impressive. 

 

I wish you knew I went to that mystical guide, the fortune teller, or whatever,

I asked her about you, in that light blue room, tarot cards spread across the table,

she drew a card in those long slender fingers, and told me you’re alright.

 

I wish you knew a lot of things, 

and maybe one day I will find the time

to tell you the rest.